The Diaries of a Fat Chick

Tonight I learned that when you jump in the shower, discover you have no shaving cream left and make the rash decision to use your husband’s shaving cream you will a) quickly realize just how strong the scent of gillette shaving cream is:

Me:  Feel my legs honey, I shaved tonight.

Ben:  Very nice.

Me:  I know.  I have very nice legs.

Ben:  Question?

Me:  Answer.

Ben:  Why do your legs smell like my face after I shave?

Me:  Shut up.

and b) if you cut yourself shaving, men’s shaving cream stings like a motherfucker.

Comments(1)

Let’s recap shall we?  At home I am currently nursing:

- One dog that is recovering from a fairly extensive surgery;

- One dog with a urinary tract infection;

- Three rats with respiratory issues;

- One rat with an infected bumblefoot and an abscess on his face; and

- One guinea pig with dirty ears.

On my counter I have more than 6 medications lined up that I must dispense twice daily.

Who says having pets is easier than children?

Comments(0)

Do you know how frustrating it is to try and faithfully uphold the resolution you have decided on when Photoblog isn’t working?  At least I think it isn’t working… who the fuck knows.  With my luck today it could just be me not knowing what the fuck I’m doing.

The first time I tried to upload the picture of the day and it didn’t work, I decided to step away from the computer and ease my frustrations with some nice relaxing cookie baking.  My co-worker’s daughter was selling food as a fundraiser, and I bought some brightly coloured sugar cookie dough.  I decided tonight was the night to try baking it.

BIG mistake.

Oh, does anyone in this planet know how the fuck the Pampered Chef Cookie Press works?  Because this is the third time I’ve tried to use that baby and I still can’t figure it out.  Anyone?  Please?

Foiled by the Pampered Chef Cookie Press yet again, I busted out the plain old cookie cutters and had fun cutting out some Christmas shapes.  Yup, a week and a half after Christmas and I’m making Christmas cookies.  Cause I’m wild and crazy like that.

Anyway, I baked those cookies for 10 minutes (it’s supposed to be 13 to 15 minutes but our oven is one hot sexy mama) and the fuckers are still slightly burnt.  Then I tried icing them, does anyone know how to get those fucking icing things to work?  The icing won’t stick to the cookie no matter how hard I try.  Tips anyone?  Anyone?  Please?

The brightly coloured cookies taste like a poop eating puppy’s breath smells, but Ben says they’re good.  I think he’s just trying to make me feel better.  (Although he has eaten 3 so far… crazy motherfucker). 

I’d post a picture of the cookies but I’m too lazy to get the camera and Ben and I are about to wage war against each other in a highly-spirited game of Wii tennis.  Wish me luck… I’ll need it.

But before I go, have I mentioned that in the last two weeks we’ve had maybe three days where there hasn’t been an extreme snow warning every single day?  We had a reprieve on Friday and today but guess what?  There’s a heavy snowfall warning for Sunday.  15 to 20 cm expected for Sunday.  Sometime I’ll go out and take pictures of all the snow but right now, it just makes me weep and weep and weep.

Also - because Photoblog is still being a pill.  The photo of the day:

One final picture of the Christmas tree before we carefully remove the ornaments, take down the lights, dismantle the branches and tuck it into our shed for another year.

Comments(2)

Comments(1)

This is one of my favourite pictures of when I was a little girl.  I don’t know my exact age…2 or 3 maybe? 

I was born smack dab in the middle of the 70’s.  1975 to be exact.  And doesn’t the decor absolutely scream 1975?  Looking past the fact that I was an adorable child with my blonde hair (thanks to my dad’s side of the family… too bad I also inherited the gene where it gradually darkened) and dark brown eyes and chubby little body (at this point the mumsi entity would be quick to point out the old saying… “Pretty in the cradle, homely at the table darling.”), check out the decorations and furnishings.  They are incredible.  The retro couch, the crocheted granny square afghan with matching pillows.   And the lamp!  THE LAMP!  I would kill to have that lamp now. 

Also, I don’t know how she did it but mum totally matched my outfit to the afghan and pillows.  The woman can do no wrong.

Bonus picture:

How freaking cute was my big brother?

Comments(2)

It’s a brand new year and, as usual, I’ve made a few resolutions that I’ll end up breaking in about a week.  They are, in no particular order:

- floss every day

- wash my face every evening before bed

- keep the house clean and tidy

That’s the top three that I make every year…tell you what, I’m taking bets on how long it will take until I break the resolutions.  I give myself three days max.  Anyone care to wager?

But one resolution I am determined not to break is the “Photo a Day Project”.  Every day this year, I will take one picture and post it to photoblog.  A year of photo’s, should be interesting. 

Here’s the link:  http://www.photoblog.com/KellyK24

Copy it to your favourites and check it out every day.  I anticipate there will be days where I may not post the picture on the same day but I do plan on at least taking a picture every day.  I’ve posted my first one this very evening.

Now tell me all the resolutions you’ve made that you know you’ll break and the resolutions you’re going to try really hard to keep.

 Cheers!

Comments(0)