The Diaries of a Fat Chick

6:47am, driving to work:

Me:  I don’t get why they’re calling this Swine Flu a pandemic.  From what I’ve heard, not that many people have it in Canada and besides, now that we know about it and how contagious it is, people will just stay home if they catch it.

Ben:  Think of it this way - my coworker at work has the flu and she’s coming to work; I’m exhibiting some flu like symptoms myself and I’m still going to work.  People have the flu, they go to work, it’s what they do.

Me:  Well if assholes like you would just stay home we wouldn’t have a fucking pandemic right now would we?

Ben:  *grins sheepishly*

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A recent email conversation between Ben and I:

Me:  Honey, I was about to call Crystal Glass and give them the dimensions for the piece of glass I need cut but I wasn’t sure about something.  Is the 16″ the length and the 10″ the height or the other way around?

Ben:  16 is the length and 10 is the height but it doesn’t matter because you will get a piece that is 16 by 10 and you can turn it which ever way you want.  It’s like diamond Shreddies except with a rectangle.

Me:  Mmm, diamond Shreddies!  Also, I am an idiot.  Does it embarrass you to be married to such an obvious moron?

Ben:  Nope, can’t think geometry all the time!

Me:  Or in my case, none of the time.

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Wednesday morning, 6:45 am, outside our local Starbucks:

Me:  In honor of earth day, I’m going to shut the car off when I go into Starbucks instead of letting it idle like I normally do.

Ben:  You’re a real environmental humanitarian aren’t you?

Me:  I like to do what I can.

Wednesday, 11:55 am, at my cubicle:

Kim (supervisor, friend):  Are you coming upstairs to the boardroom to watch the sustainability video in honour of Earth Day?

Me:  No.

Kim:  C’mon, there’s free hot dogs and french fries.

Me:  No.

Kim:  I’m going.

Me:  Why?

Kim:  To help represent management.  Come on, you don’t have a lunch today; what are you going to eat?

Me:  Subway.  Come with me.

Kim:  I can’t; you know the Company is big on the “Going Green” thing.  I need to show my support.

Me:  I’ll buy you Subway if you come with me.  It’ll be way more fun than a stupid video and gross hot dogs.  You know you want to.

Kim:  Dammit!  Alright, I’m in.  But you’re damning the earth you know.

Me:  *cackles*

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This morning I dropped Ben off at work just like I do every morning.  The only difference was that I had slept maybe half an hour last night and had a wretched headache.  You know the kind?  The headache that makes you want to puke or at the very least, curl up on your bed in the fetal position and wait for sweet, sweet death?  No?  Just me?  (my mama always said I was a drama queen).

Where was I?  Right, dropping the boy off at work.  As is our usual custom, I stopped in front of the school, he gave me a kiss and began to gather his stuff together.

Ben:  Bye dear.  Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Me:  Thanks, bye honey.

Me:  Have a good day.

Ben:  *grabbing his lunch bag*

Me:  I said, hope you have a good day.

Ben:  *opening the car door*

Me:  Geez, have a good day for crying out loud.

Ben:  *gets out of the car and opens the back door to get his computer bag from the back seat*

Me:  HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY HONEY

Ben:  Huh?  What? 

Me:  I said I hope you have a good day but you know what?  Considering this is the fourth time I’ve repeated myself, I don’t really hope you have a good day afterall.

Ben:  That’s just the headache talking dear.

Me:  Shut it.

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