The Diaries of a Fat Chick

I am 34 years old and have never made rice krispie squares.  I’ve eaten other people’s homemade rice krispie squares and I’ve bought rice krispie squares at Walmart but I’ve never made them.

I rarely cook and when I do it usually puts me in a foul mood; however I love to bake.   Sounds weird I know but while cooking is hot and frustrating and on a time limit and rarely turns out the way you want it to, baking is soothing and relaxing.  There’s something so appealing about measuring out a cup of flour and half a cup of sugar, an egg and some vanilla extract, mixing them together and creating something not just edible but delicious!!  I get the same feeling when I’m knitting.  To create something from some string and two sticks?  Who doesn’t get a thrill from that?!?  Crazy people, that’s who!!

Yikes, I’m a loser.

But I digress.  So, 34 years old, never made rice krispie squares, last night was the night. 

One Slight Problem  - I had no idea how to make rice krispie squares. 

I realize that it’s basically rice krispies and marshmallows but is there a trick to putting them together other than melting the marshmallows and mixing them?  Who knew?  It was too late to call the mumsi entity, I had called her two hours earlier and she was already in bed (at like 8pm people, 8pm!!).  Thinking on my feet, I grabbed the box of rice krispies and scanned the back of the box.  As a kid there was always a recipe for the squares sandwiched in between the “hey kids, find your way out of the rice krispie maze” illustration and the advertisement for the rice krispie water gun. (”Send in four box vouchers kids and receive your free water gun!  Shipping and handling costs apply.”)

There was a recipe for crispy chicken (apparently you coat chicken in rice krispies…interesting) but oddly enough nothing on how to make one of their damn squares.  I muttered darkly to myself, threw the cereal box on the counter and turned on my new Christmas gift, the HP Mini (thanks mumsi!).  Using my unparalleled googling skills I quickly found the original rice krispies squares recipe and rolled up my sleeves. 

For the record, to make rice krispie squares you:

Melt a 1/4 cup of butter in a large sauce pan over low heat

Add a large bag of marshmallows and stirring constantly, heat until all of the marshmallows are melted.

Remove from heat, stir in 1/2 teaspooon of vanilla extract (optional) and add 6 cups of rice krispie squares.  Mix together well and using a lightly buttered spatula press into a lightly buttered 9×13 pan.

Sounds easy right?  Trust me, it’s not.  Melted marshmallows are extremely sticky and difficult to stir.  I’ve been thinking about buying some small dumbbells to work my arm muscles but stirring melted marshmallows would probably equal the work-out.

And trying to get them from the pot to the 9×13 pan?  Good grief.  It’s sticking to the spoon, it’s sticking to me, I’ve got marshmallows and rice krispies on my shirt, in my hair, my eyebrows, and on my chihuahua.  That shit is sticky!!

Then, once I had it all in the pan trying to mush it down relatively square and even?  Forget it.  Even with the lightly buttered spatula it would either stick to the spatula or slide around in the greased up pan.

As I was attempting to spread the mass of marshmallows and rice krispies into the pan, a long forgotten memory of watching my mother make krispie squares popped into my head.  I cursed loudly, grabbed the box of waxed paper from the cupboard, tore off a large sheet of it, greased it up with some butter, wrapped it around my hand and proceeded to mash and push the wad of marshmallows and krispies into the pan.  While it worked much better then my current efforts (thanks mumsi!), I think the last 10 minutes of fierce mashing, grunting and picking marshmallows out of my eyebrows had worn me out.  I called it a day and ended up with an extremely lumpy and uneven pan of squares.  

And no matter how much my husband loves them, with God as my witness I will never (EVER!) make rice krispie squares again.

PS:  I also made a low fat loaf of banana bread and it was both easy to make and delicious.